Hahaha I took time to do this!

Well I have not been good at this blogging thing at all.  I am going to try to do better at it, but I find I lose site of what to type or what to even talk about.  I think it is because I am still waiting for the baby madness to start that I am just stuck in a bind.  I do have to say though I am pretty excited I was finally put on maternity leave, and there is a time and date now for when I can expect the craziness to start.  I can't wait! I am so happy and so excited, but then again I am scared shitless!!!!  Atleast I know I have support if I need it, but goodness babies are a huge deal.  Not like I didn't think they were before or anything but it is a lot different when you are about to have one yourself.
I am a little frightened about the labor portion of it. Shit, who am I lying to I am scared silly!  I don't know what to expect at all.  So far the contractions that I have had have been pretty mild and nothing really to painful has happened.  If the pain is 10x worse than the feeling when the doctor is checking things than all I can do is imagine how much that is going to suck.  I hear once you see and hold your baby you forget about all that pain, so here is me hoping for that.  I just want the party to start and get on the road because I am getting anxious.  I want to see and hold what has been kicking me and making me feel so different.  I want to see what he looks like or see if I can tell who he might take after when he gets older.  This is an experience of a lifetime.  I just can't wait for it to happen.  I don't even care about the sleepless nights or the temper tantrums I am about to face.  I don't even care about the endless diapers I am going to have to deal with.  I just want to have him here already and be able to hold him.  I truly thought I was unable to have kids, and with this I know that anything can happen.  I am not a huge believer but this does help give me some faith.  Then again it sways it as well because it seems awfully funny for the timing of this and the true story of this craziness for all parties, but what can you do?

Another day of writing

I'm so anxious for what's to come.  A baby is in tow...soon there will be a little guy here with me 24/7.  I am so scaed, and so excited at the same time.  I never knew how I would feel when this happened.  I wish to have had a different pregnancy, you know like the fairytale pregnancy with the man I loved sitting with me and rubbing my tummy. Even though I didn't get that fairytale pregnancy I still have had a good pregnancy so far.  May not have been as romantic and movie cheesy as I would have liked it still hasn't been to bad.  I can't complain, my first months of this pregnancy were super easy. Sleep. Work. Eat. Sleep. Pretty simple and straight forward.  No morning sickness. Thank the lord, and after the first three months tons of walking.  I have kept very active and have gone out to see my friends, and even make new ones!  Yay or new friends.  I have also had a lot of family interaction.  I recently started talking with all of my family more often.  I know this doesn't seem weird to most, but it is weird for me because I ran away from them in a way when I turned 18.  I just ran to my own place and quit talking to them, but very rarely texting them to tell them, "Hey I'm still alive."
I have learned a lot about family, and that they are a good asset to have.  They keep you sane, even when they are driving you insane.  I have a sorted history with my family which is starting o unfold more because there isn't a lot of drama going on.  Well there is, but thankfully not with me.  It has thankfully been drama-free for me for a while.  Again, thank goodness for family, because without them I wouldn't have been drama-free.  Even with the crazy baby drama of my ex and his other baby drama, I am still pretty drama-free.  I am not going to lie but it was pretty rocky for a few months and now it is calm.  I agree when him and I were talking it was causing issues, so not talking to him is definately a good thing.  It sucks sometimes because I want him to know I am not spiteful.  What happened has happened. There is no changing it and no making it better. I know this, but we will have to talk at one point for our son.  I would like to have him in his sons life.
Again, my family has helped with a lot.  If it wasn't for them I am sure I would have became a spiteful, vendictive, and hateful person.  I just don't care for it anymore that is all, and my family has shown me it is better not to worry about it.  I am very grateful things are moving on, and life is going.  I am glad for it moving along and not just sitting at a stand still.  I was worried that it would never change.  Things are starting to look up, and things are turning around for me.  Well enough about that, see pregnancy changes a person.  As for the pregnancy it is finally ending.  Well not quite done yet, but hopefully soon.    Well I'm starting to get sleepy, damn these crazy hours.  Up til 5 am asleep till 1pm or 2pm, but guess what it will change.  As of friday I will enter the world of working during the day.  I am going to melt in the sun or catch on fire like a vampire.

#2 cont'd somehow I messed up and published the first

WTF!? I have no idea how the first one posted without me clicking on the publish post button but it happened.  Ok well to start where I left off....The last to visits for an ultrasound I have asked about 3d ultrasound photos.  First she said I wasn't far along enough for it, then he is buried in the placenta and for today it was, oh your to far along! Again a WTF!? moment.  I really just want to punch her sometimes.  It's all good though because I am very sure that was the last ultrasound.  I am now 1cm dilated and I am sore as can be.  I am having contractions but not enough to be worried about or ready to run to the hospital for.  Seems like all the pain is sitting in my lower back and in my upper abdomen right now.  I really can't wait for this to be over and I know it is not to much longer now, but goodness I am just ready to not feel like crap and to have all my mobility back.  Scary portion of this whole thing is what is about to come...LABOR! AHHHHH!!!!!  I am not looking forward to the excruciating pain, and the huge baby that is going to pop its way out of me.  Oh by the way they estimated Liam is about 7-8lbs right now.  If I go full term and all the way to Sept. 2nd they think he will be about 8-9lbs.  That is a lot of freakin' baby!  My Oma has bets on him being about 9-10lbs, which I just find hilarious that they are betting on how big he is going to be.  Next it is going to be a bet about if he has hair or not...which I am betting he will.  After having been checked and sent on my way I had to do something to get the weird feeling of being violated gone.  I don't think I would feel that way if the doctor would by me lunch or dinner before just shoving her finger into me.  I know they have to check, but at least I wouldn't feel so awkward.  Once we left the doctors office I took my Oma to eat lunch and we just sat and bullshitted till I scared the crap out of my dad by just texting him and informing him how big they think Liam is and how far dilated I was.  He thought I was texting while in labor in the hospital...HAHAHA! I informed him that if I were in labor I highly doubt I will be texting him and informing him about those things.  After our lovely lunch I ran off to a work bbq and had a blast. Sat and ate some scrumptious grub and then played Uno, which I actually won a game out of the three we played.  It was a freaking miracle.  Now I'm just sitting and relaxing about to work on this damn baby blanket, which I am worried will not be finished before he gets here.  I have about four more squares to go and I have 4 weeks and 2 days to go before he gets here, if he decides to stick to schedule.  FREAK OUT!!!!!!  Well off to crochet the crap out of this colorful and probably brain stimulating blanket for my lil guy! Toodles to all and have a good night!

#2-Long day but worth it

So what is the point of getting butt hurt over one dish in the sink when it barely ever happens?  I could understand getting upset if I do it every day, but come on one freaking day.  This is why sometimes I wish I lived on my own again and had to answer to no one but me, myself, and I. It is very hard living with family again.  Sometimes I feel like I have no privacy even though it isn't the case.  I have a room all to myself that I pretty much hide in, but somedays it feels like it is not enough.  Other than the little bit of drama, well angst would be a better way to put it, I ran with my Oma to my doctors appointment. First, the ultrasound! Yay-more pictures of Liams' testes.  I know he has pair already but it seems like the only thing I can ever get a picture of.  No matter what I do before the ultrasound he doesn't seem to want to wake up.  He is always buried in the placenta, and asleep and not willing to move.  Good news is he is super active anytime after the ultrasounds.  I guess it's safe to say he is a camera shy baby, or just very stubborn already.  Every time I go and do an ultrasound though I want to punch the ultrasound lab tech.  She is a very snooty tooty lady.  The last

Still Day 1-Just adding more to the first day post.

As for the lil monster, which I say with tons of love, he is a very relentless kicker/mover.  He is constantly up and moving unless it is when I have an ultrasound scheduled, then it is the most convienant time for him to sleep.  I didn't know how much one little thing could move.  It feels as if he is doing cartwheels in my tummy.  Oh yea forgot to mention, it is a he.  His name is Liam Maddox Emery Bordelon.  I knew what his first name was going to be as soon as I found out it was a boy.  I have just always loved the name Liam and it means courage.  I am very sure my son will have a lot of courage with life.  I can't wait for him to make his appearance, but I can at the same time.  I am tired of being pregnant because I can't help people do simple things like paint, move furniture, or even grab things off the floor very easily.  This frustrates me because I am a very active person.  I want to be able to help people when they are in need and this is stopping me from helping with the simple things that are needed.  I do have to say sometimes I have a feeling of helplessness, because I feel like I have to get help to move things that if I wasn't pregnant I would be able to do without any issues.  I am not big on asking for help and with this pregnancy I have had to push my pride to the side and ask for help.  It sucks but I bit the bullet!  As for the help, I do have to say my family has been a huge support system for me and I appreciate them all for everything that they have done for me.  My family is not the most conventional of families, but it seems like we are all moving past are dramas and saying screw it and just moving on with our lives.  This is truly a big step for us all.  I am very grateful as well for all of my friends who have heard my bitch and moan about things for a while, and then start to joke and laugh with me again.  You all know who you are, and I appreciate you all.  I'm sorry I won't name names, because I don't want there to be any kind of drama or anything that can come out of it.  With all the support and the help I have been able to clear up some issues and have been able to move on with my life.  Thank you all again for picking up the pieces and making me whole again.

Day 1-The beginning of the blogging

So I am very new to blogging, but a good friend of mine said it will help.  I believe her completely and I really do need to find a healthy outlet for stress and anxiety.  Well shit, everyone needs some sort of outlet that helps them cope with this lovely every day life that sometimes just seems to smack you in the face.  I am not sure how often I will be able to post on here but I am going to make an effort to post at least three times a week. Things will be easy for the next few weeks because I am coming really close to being on maternity leave...That's right you read correctly. I am a baby maker right now, well in the ending stages of it.  Only about 4 weeks and 4 days left according to my handy dandy What To Expect Pregnancy Tracker app on my phone.  This is very exciting and I just can't believe how fast this went by.  I found out about 9 weeks in that I was pregnant and instead of a total freak out moment. I just took a step back and said I have this.  Now I am not gonna lie I called my mother crying like a big baby myself because it was definately a shocker, but I am happy and have never thought differently about this pregnancy.  By no means is this the classic love story pregnancy, but it is my first pregnancy so I am making the best of it.  I have had various trials and tribulations of how I perceive things and how much I can actually handle mentally.  Which I do have to say is a lot of crap, not to toot my own horn.  I am going to be a single mother and I am not sure I would have it any other way at this point.  I would love for the father to be in the picture, but lets just say that isn't a pretty picture.  Maybe later on in life he will come into the picture for his son, which is all I can hope for, but for the time being it is just best we stay away from each other.  I know right now everything is in a huge mess because we both have tempers on us and we have said things that may not be true or even meant to be said.  Well let me rephrase that, I know I have said things that I didn't mean to say but in the heat of the moment things just spilled out of my mouth like word vomit.  I let my emotions take over my mouth which is a really bad habit, and I am in the process of biting my tongue more often.  Even with letting my emotions take over my mouth I am not someone who says things out of spite.  I say what I feel, and how I am feeling at the time of whatever caused the spew of word vomit.  Now enough about word vomit, thank god it was only that and not morning sickness though.  I am very thankful for how easy I have had it for this pregnancy.  Most say that they were sicker than a dog for the beginning of it all.  I can officially say that with this pregnancy I have had no morning sickness.  I'm waiting now that I have typed that I am going to be stricken with something...that is how it always works.  Nope instead just kicked by the lil munchkin growing in me.